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Conversations with Julie - Our Reflections EPISODE #3

In this episode, we talk to Helen Palmer, the Founder and Author from Be Self-unLimited about creating a safe space when we are looking to have an important conversation with someone.

PURPOSE: What do we need to think about when creating a safe space for a conversation?

WHAT TO EXPECT: Discovering three key responsibilities that shape a safe space individually and when we are holding a space for someone else. This episode is about Reign/Sovereignty.


This conversation has been split up into 2 different episodes. The original recording went on for almost an hour. There was so much great information that we didn’t want to cut anything out so we decided to split the recording into 2 episodes.

Kicking the episode off, Julie and Helen talk about 3 of the 7 responsibilities of Be Self unLimited and how they directly relate to feeling safe and setting up a safe space for a conversation. The 3 responsibilities are Reign, Rules and Relationships. (The other 4 responsibilities are Reputation, Resources, Renewal, and Revenue)

In this episode though Julie and Helen are focusing on Reign and the importance of your choices, values and your value that you add.

Reign - “the responsibility to lead and navigate my work adventures” - Helen Palmer, Self UnLimited

When thinking of Reign, think of strategy, direction and values. Helen describes a person’s career path as a workscape. She defines it as “a space in time, and a space in society, where an individual’s experience of work takes place”. You get to choose and self design your “workscape” to be whatever YOU need it to be and to allow it to be as it needs to be. You get to make your own choices.

When shifting language around work, our current language and mental modeling is limiting. It’s time to think of yourself as self-employed, regardless of who employs you. Helen talks about reframing and changing language to be more expansive. That there are many different options available at any point in time. The 21st century provides us with a vocational adventure. There is not just one thing we have to do, or be, for our whole career, or lives. You are able to change the conversation and language for yourself.

Your workscape can be one that is guided by your current values. This does not have to be static, it can be forever changing as your value, and values change and evolve.

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” - Alice Walker, author of The Color Purple

When we talk of Reign we understand that there is an element of power. Power doesn’t mean that you have power over other people, it is created within yourself. You get to make your own choices and decisions. You are allowed to have choices. Only you can decide on what consequences you are willing to put up with,when making your decisions.

“You are one decision away from a completely different life” - Mel Robbins

Some people are happy to sit in certain misery and not change, but why not sit in uncertainty. To sit in uncertainty there needs to be a sense of internal safety. This looks like and starts with saying “I am worth it” and “I am worthy of considering my options”. You also need to accept that you won’t necessarily get this right, and when you do get things wrong, you are still worthy of being able to consider your options, because you are worth taking a risk on! These risks reduce when you start to have and feel a sense of worth. This takes time, practice and experience to learn to be ok and feel safe. So why do people constantly sit in certain misery? Because they could be looking for and needing external validation. They rely on others to feel safe and worthy, because they do not feel it internally.

How to step out of certain misery and start to shift into uncertainty?

  1. Say to yourself I am worth it and I am worthy. The more you say it the more it will sink in and start to resonate with you.

  2. What value can I add? This can be in a situation or a relationship.

  3. Does it align with my values?

What is the difference between values and value?

“Your values are beliefs or standards you live by, qualities and virtues you embrace as important to being human. Your value elements are what you determine the worth to be of something, what you would exchange to gain something.” (

Your values are the reasons you make decisions and choices. They are the foundation of who you are in this present moment.

Your value is knowing that you are valuable and that you have value to add. This can be your expertise, your time and/or your energy. These, among many other things, create value. When you interact with someone, or are in a situation you are exchanging your value for something. It maybe your expertise and time for money.

What are you exchanging your value for? For more information about value exchange have a look at the following article from Helen Palmer

When it comes to internal safety, it is incredibly subjective and personal. What you find safe could be someone else's nightmare. Knowing and understanding your self-value is a big step toward creating internal safety.

Do you know what sustains you, supports you and what is right for you?

Next episode we dive right into Rules and Relationships.


The full collection of articles from Helen Palmer is at

Value Elements and Value Exchange idea


Helen Palmer, creator of the Self unLimited(TM) concept and founder of Questo, is proudly from the land of the long white cloud, Aotearoa as the Maori called it, New Zealand as it is commonly known. Bred from NZ stock, she’s typical of the cultural Kiwi spirit: Taking a lead in worldly trends; a Swiss-Army knife of skills to deploy to any situation; and a belief that you can do amazing things with few resources.

In her workscape she’s led teams while working for others, provided consulting services to clients in Australia and NZ, regularly blogged, been a leader in professional groups, spoken at conferences, created training courses, delivered training courses, lectured at university, influenced the design of university courses, mentored, and wrote a book.

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