Historically, I’ve had some personal challenges when my ego races ahead of where it should be. Below I’ll share my ‘ego-taming’ journey, and how it has enriched both my life and my approach to coaching.
Growing a business and finding your space in your chosen market challenges every aspect of who we are. Which is fun! Right!? However, there have been many times I have found myself comparing my results, efforts, and approaches to growth with others whom I find inspirational. This game brings my ego out to play.
I’ve found that when my ego has been in play mode, I want to control, fit in, and think of the should, could, ought, and must of the situation. This is a self-protective mindset, in which I have found myself slipping into focusing on constraints, thus potentially losing sight of opportunities. This has sometimes result in me over-strategising and ironically becoming too reactive when the time for action arrived. Funny, isn’t it? … ambition goes into over-drive, but all the mind traffic puts up road blocks!
This has not fitted comfortably with my vision of personal balance, and to be honest, has been really exhausting. And it definitely did not reflect the type of coach, trainer, and consultant that I wanted my clients to experience.
Have you found yourself in this position? Whether it is in a job role, new business, even a relationship, the ego can push itself to the front. What is the alternative?
Robert Dilts, in his Levels of Success Factors Model, has identified that an individual, team, or organisation can be viewed as being composed of two complementary aspects: the ego and the soul. In his model, the ego is oriented towards processes, plans, survival, recognition and ambition. The soul is anchored in values, purpose, being and contribution.
When ego and soul are aligned, charisma, passion and presence emerge naturally.
The complementary dimensions of ego and soul tend to bring out a different emphasis for each level of success factors. The ego side accentuates ambition, role, the importance of permission, strategy and appropriate reactions to constraints and potential dangers in the environment. The soul side puts as priorities vision, mission, inner motivation and activating the energy and emotional intelligence needed to proactively take advantage of environmental opportunities.
How do we find this alignment? How do we get the best out of ourselves, in service of our vision and goals?
My practice has been around becoming more conscious of my strengths, behavioural style, motivations, resilience, and needs, as a means of moving closer towards alignment.
This past year, 2020, was about diving deeper into those areas and bringing them to life in my coaching practice by gaining accreditation in models and associated tools. Through the process, I gained a vocabulary for better articulating who I am, what motivates me, my style of behaviour and communication, and what strengths I have to support my energy and optimism. Now, I would love to share this with others.
Below I would like to share my own ‘Whole Self’ profile overview, to show you the type of information you can harness to guide you in becoming more conscious of your Self.
Motivators (my why): I follow rules that make sense to me, I am a fact-finder, creative in an unconventional way, balanced in my approach to caring for others and myself, and comfortable in positions of power. These resonate through the lens of my values of curiosity (external) and belonging (internal). [Tool: Motivators Assessment]
Behavioural Style (my ‘natural’ how): I am influential, sociable, trusting, assertive, determined, self-reliant, energetic, fidgety (apologies to all my past long-suffering teachers!), independent, firm, and stubborn. [Tool: DiSC Assessment; in my case, my natural style is ‘i' (influence)]
Strengths (with what): I turn up with a powerhouse of strengths, including emotional awareness, being a connector, self-awareness, being empathic, rapport building, personal growth, and strategic awareness. However, I do have weaknesses, which means I will be de-energised when I need to rely heavily on skills that are not as natural for me. Career Focus for my strengths and where I feel most energised: Coaching and Consulting – hey, nice to see that I’m in the right field! [Tool: Strengths Profile Assessment]
Resilience (how to sustain): I am very resilient, as I am working in the area of my calling, am maintaining a healthy perspective, am living authentically, have robust stress management skills, and am a ‘Network Ninja’ (my favourite self-description!). I can sustain my resilience by asking for help and support, and by investing in my physical health. [Tool: Resilience @ Work (R@W) Assessment]
So, how does all this information help?
Create SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goals that are appropriate and challenging based on your Strengths and Motivators
Communicate better and adapt to others’ styles utilising the DiSC framework
Build your energy by using Strengths that empower you
Sustain your Resilience – developing your capacity to manage everyday stressors and remain healthy, rebound and learn from unexpected setbacks, and prepare for your future challenges proactively (searching for the opportunities among them!)
Align your ego and soul to bring out the best of who you are
Wishing us all well on the journey!
If you would like to find out more, book at Discovery Call with Julie Gillespie here
We are located in West End, Qld, just a few minutes away from Brisbane CBD.